Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how life feels from an emotional point of view. I’ve realized that sometimes there really isn’t much you can do except give yourself time. You can’t force yourself to heal quickly, no matter how badly you want to. Some things just hurt, and for a while, you simply have to live with that pain while slowly learning how to carry it.
I believe wounds do eventually become scars. They don’t disappear completely, but they stop hurting in the same way. They stay there as reminders of what happened, but also as reminders that you survived it. I think that matters. Surviving something difficult does not always look dramatic or brave from the outside. Sometimes it just looks like waking up, going to work, answering messages, and getting through another day.
Professionally, I’ve also learned that emotions can affect work in many ways. Of course, being in a bad emotional state can make work feel heavier. But at the same time, work can sometimes give you structure when everything else feels unstable. For me, having responsibilities helped me keep going. If I had stayed home with my thoughts all day, I honestly think I would have fallen apart even more. I understand when people say it’s hard to work when you’re struggling emotionally, because it is. But I also know that sometimes having somewhere to be and something to do can stop you from completely sinking.
I’ve also started learning how to put myself first, and that surprised some people. Some even saw it as selfish. But that made me question things. Were they really upset because I was changing, or because they were used to me always being available? Were they thinking about what I needed too, or only about what I used to give them?
For a long time, I thought putting others first was the right thing to do. I almost treated it like a responsibility. I felt guilty whenever I thought about my own needs, especially if someone else needed something from me. But over time, that way of living drained me. I became tired, frustrated, and empty. I was giving too much of myself away and pretending I was okay with it.
Now, I understand things differently. Choosing myself does not mean I don’t care about others. It means I’m finally learning to care about myself too. It means knowing when to say no, when to step back, and when to protect my peace. I’m learning that I don’t have unlimited energy, and that I can’t keep showing up for everyone if I keep abandoning myself.
And if some people think that is selfish, maybe it is because they were comfortable with a version of me that no longer exists. I’m still kind, but I’m no longer willing to lose myself just to make other people comfortable. I’m changing, slowly, and I think that’s okay. I’m learning to grow again, but this time, I’m doing it for myself.